The Basic Principals of Operations
Validated daily by experiences of working folks everywhere…
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Corrigan’s Theorem or “Jam Side Down”:
If there is more than one way in which a system can operate, it will usually operate the wrong way.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth.
The number of problems encountered during a project is directly proportional to N squared, where N is equal to the number of people involved.
Flaple’s Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects:
Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or completely mysterious.
The amount of expertise available for a given project varies in inverse proportion to the statement understood by the general public.
The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Horner’s Five Thumb Postulate:
Experience varies directly with the value of the equipment ruined.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you don’t understand the problem.
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as though it were a nail.
If anything can go wrong – it will.
The simplest explanation of any phenomena is probably the correct one.
The time required for a project varies to maintain the utilization of the manpower allocated close to one-hundred percent.
If the experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
One million times nothing – is still nothing.
When all else fails, fake it.
Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.
Salute to Nixon (remember him?):
Quit when you’re still behind.
The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people attending.
Sod’s Law (Prevails when Flaple’s Law does not hold):
In any given set of circumstances, events will combine to provide the maximum of inconvenience for the greatest number of people.
That quantity which when multiplied times, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you got – gives you the answer you should have gotten in the first place. Also known as Finnegan’s Finagling Factor.
The Compensation Corollary:
The experiment may be considered a success if no more than fifty percent of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory.
The Futility Factor:
No experiment is ever a complete failure. It can always serve as a bad example.
The Ninth Law:
The simpler, smaller and less ambitious a project is – the harder it is to justify, the harder it is to implement and the less well it will perform.
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