Job Application

This is supposedly an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida and they hired him because he was so honest and funny…

(BE SURE to read my note at the end of this…)

Name: Greg Bulmash.

Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

Desired Position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

Desired Salary: $185,000 a year, plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

Education: Yes.

Last position held: Target for middle management hostility.

Salary: Less than I'm worth.

Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

Reason for Leaving: It sucked.

Hours Available to Work: Any.

Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m. on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

Do You Have Any Special Skills? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

May We Contact Your Current Employer? If I had one, would I be here?

Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up To 50 lbs? Of what?

Do You Have a Car? I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs"?

Have You Received Any Special Awards Or Recognition? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes

.

What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

Do You Certify That the Above is True and Complete to the Best of Your Knowledge? Yes. Absolutely.

Sign Here: Aries.

****************************

Gene’s Note: Even though this is being periodically passed around as an “actual job application”, in reality it is a slightly modified version of a nice bit of creative writing. Yes, it was written by Greg Bulmash and posted on his now-archived web site on April 10, 1997 under the title of “Take This Job And…” I’m passing it on first, because I’m fairly certain that this is something most of us would really like to have been able to do when we were filling out those God-awful job applications – and second, to see to it that Mr. Bulmash gets the credit he deserves. You can see the original piece at http://www.bulmash.com/

And thanks to Snopes.com for making available the initial clarification and site reference on this. This is a great site for clearing up some of the murky waters we find sloshing into our PC’s from time to time. http://www.snopes.com/

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