Church Bulletin and Announcement
Bloopers
Here are some
reportedly actual goofs that have popped up in church bulletins:
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
Thursday at
Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
Potluck
supper Sunday at
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's
healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Tuesday at
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Weight Watchers will meet at
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
Low Self Esteem Support Group
will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved...the financial secretary gave a grief report.
An announcement for a missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine, Washington. Her name is Bertha Belch. The Announcement: Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.
Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals"
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
The Reverend Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Delser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Delser.
Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Evening massage - 6 PM
The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.
During the absence of our pastor we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Scubbs supplied our pulpit.
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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